Notes on Love: Being Single and Dating in a Marriage Obsessed Church by LAUREN WINDLE

Author:LAUREN WINDLE [WINDLE, LAUREN]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Religion, Christian Living, Love & Marriage, Family & Relationships, Dating, Women's Interests, Love & Romance, Marriage & Long-Term Relationships, General
ISBN: 9780281085569
Google: H4spEAAAQBAJ
Publisher: SPCK
Published: 2021-07-15T00:25:08.473524+00:00

Set-up

I’ve got a friend who is the last single bloke in his friendship group. He only dates ‘by referral’. Experience has taught him who should (and should not) have access to the referral scheme. It is possible to get struck off. But with this system, he feels he is more likely to enjoy the dates that have come already endorsed by people he knows and cares about.

Great idea in theory, but setting two people up is, I believe, a matter of pure chance and not of any incredible insight (despite what that married woman from church who can ‘claim five marriages’ will tell you). People can have everything in common and not fancy each other, while others you would never have put together but they hit it off instantly.

Without fail, all the single people I interviewed for this book said they would like to be set up on more dates by their friends, but most had only had one or two set-ups and some had had none at all. I’ve set people up twice in my life. On the first occasion, I mutually agreed with a friend that we would each introduce the other to a date. I then looked through my phone and realized I had no idea who I could offer her. So, much like in Friends when Joey forgets to find a bloke for Phoebe, I started fumbling around in the dark. I remembered that a while ago I’d signed up to a Christian dating app for an article and had swapped numbers with a bloke. I had never met him; all I knew was that he was eligible. Sorry, not eligible – because I hadn’t really had a conversation with him – he was fit. That’s it, I meant fit. But so is she, so I thought fit + fit = great date. Can’t argue with the maths. Except you can. It did not go well. He was distant and didn’t make any effort with conversation. I had effectively condemned my friend to an awful evening with a good-looking but stand-offish guy. Much like recommending a book you’ve never read, this is a bad idea. There is an implied level of vetting in a set-up that it is polite to do. Only your mate should be going in blind.

The second time was far more successful. On this occasion I had met both parties plenty of times (my new baseline) and I knew that, at the least, they would enjoy each other’s company. I asked them both if they would be happy to go in completely blind – no full names, no social media, not even a grainy WhatsApp picture to zoom in on. They agreed and so, in the most elaborate set-up known to man, I handled logistics, times, dates, meeting points and reservations; I even called up the bar and tried to have a cocktail waiting for them on arrival. It’s fair to say I had upped my game since aforementioned blinddategate.

They met at Waterloo Station under the big clock – such a cliché but I’m not sorry.

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